Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Praising in Yoga Class: I'm Not a "Good Girl"

"Good girl" "That's perfect" "Excellent alignment"...

Have you heard these phrases from your yoga instructor before? I'll be honest, the last two are of a type that hadn't consciously fazed me during classes before. However, last week we attended a class where the instructor actually said "Good girl" to me while she was adjusting. As if I were a child. It was a bit irksome and made me think on what types of praise we're so used to receiving in a yoga class.

One of the first rules that I help parents learn in our sessions of speech/language therapy is to eliminate the "good girl/good boy" or "good job" praise. These two sentences give no useful feedback to the child other than letting them know that you are judging them. Particularly the "good girl/boy" as this praise is specifically a moral judgement on who they are as people and not their behaviour. When we give feedback, we want to make sure the child gets something useful out of it: "I really like how you tried that sound" or "You used "I" that time instead of "me", nice work!".

The same applies to yoga.

While in a session, if the only time the instructor comments on what I'm doing is when it is perfect, I'm constantly striving to get that momentary "perfection" praise. Sure, you can talk all you want that the point of yoga is the journey but when the model is rewarding the completion of a posture (i.e. praising perfect alignment, or achievement of a posture) the message is: The really Good Stuff happens when you get there.

"Yes", you say, "but I tell students all the time "good job or good work" even when they aren't perfect!"

Sure, except what exactly does that tell me? Good job/work are such vague and amorphous terms that they could mean just about anything and are virtually useless as feedback or acknowledgement. Yoga students are there to learn, not to receive platitudes on their hard work. Tell me something useful, like "I really like how your remembering to move your knee towards your baby toe during warrior".

You could also argue that students should be there to focus internally and not strive for external praise. Except, students are actually there to learn. Which... you need to focus on the teacher in order to do so. If the teachers are giving external praise, but the students shouldn't listen it just becomes a confusing mess of conflicting messages and expectations.

So, the next time you think about saying "good girl/boy" to a student in your yoga class... take a moment, think about why exactly you are pleased and perhaps give them feedback on the PROCESS instead.

article copyright of EcoYogini at ecoyogini.blogspot.com

17 comments:

  1. I am more the sort of teacher who gives a hesitant gooood to the whole class before showing them ways to do it better. I have yet to see 'excellent alignment' in any class or for that matterin my own practice!!! :D

    Individual praise in a group setting seems inappropriate to me. Other students will want to know why they are not being praised. Individual commentry cam be saved for afterwards or private sessions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, individual praise usually makes me uncomfortable, mostly because when we're talking about 'praise' it usually involves something as superfluous and non-specific as 'good job' or 'that's it', which is so unhelpful.

      That said, I want feedback while I'm in a class... otherwise why would I take the class? Why not simply practice at home? I'm there to learn from the instructor, which means I'd like specific feedback on my alignment, positioning etc. This can be positive and quietly done (It's possible to over-nit pick in a class).

      There was nothing specifically wrong with this teacher's adjustments, or the info she shared, and I appreciated what I learned when she WAS specific. I just wish she would have been more specific with her feedback that was positive (because who likes to be constantly corrected, if you do corrections, balancing them out with positive feedback is important), and that it wasn't the moral 'good girl'. It was so belittling of the hard work I was doing.

      Delete
  2. I agree on the "girl girl" comments. I hate it when people say that to me. I actually told someone that I don't like being called that and she decided not to be friends with me anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. really?? well, perhaps she wasn't the best choice for a friend anyway. Although that is definitely random and hurtful.

      Delete
  3. You are so right and I never thought of it that way before. I'm definitely going to try implementing this with my personal training clients.. when I get some clients that is :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh yes! I'm glad you found it interesting, i've found this can be more challenging than i thought- i had to come up with a few options for sentences to give in my practice before it got to be second nature. I would say "Good job___ " and then insert the specific part at the end, since I couldn't stop myself from saying "good job" first lol.

      Delete
  4. Good boy/girl is patronising in the extreme!

    I tend to tell the whole class their poses are looking beautiful. I might then give individual instruction but I'm always making fun of myself and my poses (or my memory!) in my classes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. When I teach, I try to praise awesome shifts as I see them without singling people out, mostly because this makes me uncomfortable as a student. I recently took a class where the teacher would call out people's names saying "good job" and "that's it so and so" and it really made me feel weird. Mostly because it makes the class really about the physical aspect of yoga, something I tend to think is over-emphasized. I want to feel supported, and to support others no matter what in a class. Mostly though, I think it depends on the intention of the teacher and the class.
    Great topic!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Many students like it and many just don't care. It is a way for the teacher to acknowledge that they see you. It is also part of the culture of some studios. It helps the students personal development and it helps them come face to face with the ego. If the student gets easily offended by it, it is an opportunity for them to look inside and ask why they would let their internal peace be disturbed by a comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I find this rhetoric problematic on many levels, and unfortunately it seems present for a percentage of yoga instructors.
      It's interesting to note that this argument, that the student who is offended should look into themselves to "grow", effectively removes blame and responsibility for appropriate and considerate teaching skills from the teacher and places this directly on the student- implying, not so subtly, that the student (whom they do not know), morally and spiritually has room to grow. Moving to moral judgement and not so subtly masked statements on this persons' "ego" is something unique to the yoga community when it comes to adult teaching.

      It's also unfortunate to note that of many teachers in our world, some yoga instructors, instead of seeing an opportunity to add tools to their ability to teach, would see this as a moment to take a moral judgement high ground.

      it's a fact that adult learners will do better with specific, unpatronizing, feedback. It's also a fact in our culture that using "good girl/boy" to an adult is patronizing and that "good job/work" is unspecific and unhelpful (and has been argued to be detrimental to learning and the learning environment).

      As a teacher, the yoga instructor's role is to help them learn. Ignoring important and valuable constructive criticism will only be detrimental to the students, in the end.

      Delete
  7. "Good Girl"!?!! (WTF?).... That reminded me of a class where we were in a pose and the teacher asked me from across the room if I had a prop correctly placed. I looked over and said "yes". She began walking toward me and when she was next to me looked down and said "Oh you've already got it" and then she reached out with her hand, gave me pats on the head and walked away. She may have had good intentions, but boy was i embarrassed and angry. It was a bummer because I had really respected her up until then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hmmm patting your head?? that is really too bad :(

      Delete
  8. Thanks for the thought-provoking post! I will certainly be examining my language more closely as a result! I agree that we shouldn't become attached to external praise, but I also I think most people who go to a class with a teacher want feedback at some point - otherwise, why go to class? And I agree that it's so important to avoid using patronising language (and body language) of the type that sparked this post!

    However it's also true that you can never predict how people will react to things you say, since everyone is different. Some people hate being called out, others like it. Some people want "scientific" or specific feedback like you mention, others might respond better to general encouragement. Some people learn from seeing, others want verbal instructions, still others prefer adjustments to "feel" the pose. At the end of the day everyone is different and one of the hardest things in teaching (anything, not just yoga) is to make your teaching flexible enough to meet the needs of people with different learning styles - not to mention individual sensitivities and preferences. If you can get to know your students well on a personal level, you can cater to them individually... But we don't always have the opportunity to do that. It's so challenging - and a never-ending struggle!

    One way of dealing with it as a student is to approach the teacher before class and ask for specific feedback. I often have students ask me if I can give them feedback on a particular pose they are working with, or a point of their alignment. It helps me meet their needs and as a teacher I always appreciate that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, such a thoughtful comment and you make many important points!
      I really like your idea of asking students what type of feedback they prefer- a good strategy :)

      Delete
  9. This is awesome for ALL teachers - something I'll need to remember. I always say, "Good job" to my students, but you're right - it's not useful feedback. I want them to know WHY they did a good job. Thanks for this awesome post!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Perhaps just tell her it sounds a bit condescending. If see is a pro she'll listen I always think if something in annoying you it is probably annoying others, you'll be doing her a favor by putting her straight.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I often say "good dogs" when we are in downward dog...cause I think I'm funny?! I would never, ever say "good girl". Barf.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you! So I don't miss a comment, I like "pre-approving" them :)
I ask only that we stay respectful.
Also, please note that this is a personal blog and not a space for advertising your company. I reserve the right to delete "advertising" comments.

**NB: The ANONYMOUS option is the BEST way to comment if you don't have a blogger or established google/gmail account.
Merci!