Texting is Rude: Social Etiquette on Living with a Smart Phone

It's time to talk about cell phone etiquette.

Yep, I said it, and yes I mean you.

The past few years have seen a tremendous rise in cell phone usage and ownership. Even in Canada, where the rates for cell phone packages are among the highest in the world, everyone and their dog has a cell/smart phone.

Andrew and I were probably among the last of our friends to bite the cell phone bullet. There were a variety of reasons, and I'm glad we made the decision. About six months ago we cancelled our home phone and upgraded to the coveted iPhone status.

And now I am available 24/7... I'm finding myself frustrated by a variety of aspects of Life With a Smart Phone. I'm also getting pretty.damned.annoyed with how we, as a society, are allowing our smart phones to intrude into our social lives. I realized just how much it bugged me when my FATHER, who turns off the tv in the living room, demands we all sit at the table together to eat and that there never be hats on at the table, was texting during our meal last week. When I pointed out just how rude he was being, he was surprised.

I think that our social etiquette for smart phones just hasn't caught up to our everyday reality. So I thought I'd share a few tips, suggestions and thoughts on Living with a Smart Phone:

1. Texting is not an alternative to a conversation.
It took me a few months to figure out why I was so effing annoyed when receiving texts. Seriously, there is NOTHING more annoying than constantly being interrupted in your day by someone trying to have an actual "what're you doing" conversation via texts. I HATE IT. If you want to text me for a quick, fact check- like "what time will you be here?" or "do you want to go to the movies?" that is fine and dandy. But please don't disrupt my every day life with a stilted, texted conversation forcing me to be tied to my phone for an hour. CALL ME. You are holding a phone that is capable of that, you know.

2. Know how to use social media appropriately.
Don't text me when an email or facebook message would have been better. Texting is immediate and disruptive. And no matter the "just turn your phone on vibrate" the expectation is that a response would be immediate. If you don't need an immediate answer, just email or facebook me, mmmkay?

3. Texting in a social situation is RUDE. 

Yep, you know how if you take a phone call, or ignore a person while chatting or socialization is rude? Guess what texting is? Texting or checking social media while hanging out with friends implies that a) You are bored b) You're not listening or c) You're not interested. Phone use during social situations also literally means that you have decided to have a separate, MORE IMPORTANT conversation with some other person instead of who you are out with. Just because it's silent, does not mean that it is ANY different than chatting on the phone AND chatting with your friends.

4. Texting during an appointment is RUDE. 

Look, I understand that as a parent you need to have your phone on in case of child-related emergencies (yoga teachers, this one is for all the posts on how terrible it is when the phone rings during a yoga class. You have no idea if that phone call was because a child had a seizure, is projectile vomiting at daycare, or has a fever of 102 and needs to be taken to the hospital- don't judge). HOWEVER, texting is NOT for emergencies. The sad reality is that it happens weekly that I have parents, during a parent-training session, who text. I mean, we're sitting at the little kid table, I'm explaining test results, or demonstrating a therapy technique with their child, and the parent has their phone out and is texting. I'm considering having a clause in our therapy contract regarding texting during therapy sessions, it has gotten so bad.

5. Don't Smart Phone and Drive!!! 

It's dangerous and kills people. Don't believe me? Watch this ridiculously moving 20min doc by famous filmmaker Werner Herzog. I dare you.

How to be a Polite Smart Phone User

When out with friends, at a party, at a pub, at a restaurant or friend-family meal (wherever that may be) try the following with your phone:

1. Put it on "Do Not Disturb Mode" so that it only rings or texts when pre-approved family or emergency-type members call or text. This way, if there are certain numbers you really can't miss if they call (and they likely will only call for an emergency or something urgent) you are covered. 
2. If DND isn't an option: put your phone on vibrate.
3. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. Seriously. Why do you need your phone in sight? Having the phone on the table visually shows that you potentially may have more interesting people to chat with or things to do. Just Put.It.Away.
4. If you can't put your phone away for whatever reason: Pile all the cell phones on top of each other in the middle of the table. The first person who reaches for their phone pays the bill. Yep. You heard me. If you can't be polite enough to be interested in your friends, then you can pay the bill.
5. If you receive a text... IGNORE IT. The world will not implode if you don't check the text and you know what- the text will still be there later...I promise. Even though the sound is disruptive, by ignoring the text you are showing your friends and family that THEY are more important.

Still need convincing? Check out this sad, but true, short video on just how disconnected we are becoming and I *doubledare* you to deny that you haven't witnessed, or done most of these Rude Smart Phone Acts. It's time we take a step back and get real people; no one wants to be the Lame-o SmartPhone Friend. Let's take a breath and Connect in Person instead. I swear it's better.