"Forever feeling young is the worlds' best kept secret"- Liberal Arts
It's like outwardly I can SEE that I'm growing older. Those crows feet mean lots of laughter and joy... days and experiences stacking on top of each other. But, on the inside, in many ways, I still feel like I could be in my undergrad, rocking the clubs and being ridiculous. Let's admit, I'm fairly ridiculous most days... my job allows for that.
What I didn't expect is the sense of heaviness that continues to sit on my heart. Although I feel I should still have so much time for my hopes and dreams (singer songwriter here I come!), I know that I'm not longer a carefree person. Life sort of happened. Each happening making me feel a bit heavier, adding a layer of thought and perspective.
Some of these layers are important, great even. I feel more ready for life, more confident in who I am and what I believe. I have less to prove, less to figure out. I'm just so HEAVY.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's felt this way. There have been songs, books, poems, (blog posts) written on the subject of this weird bittersweet surprise at the loss of innocence. I guess I just didn't expect it to happen to me... In that I expected to feel young at heart forever.
I'm not exactly afraid of aging, of the wrinkles, sagging, silvery hair that will grace my head. Nope, I'm more afraid of this heaviness, this strange metaphorical weight that has started pressing right on my sternum... radiating across my collarbones, my lungs and heart.
Now, there is worth in having some measured response to living. Experience and critical thinking can be useful (also referred to as 'wisdom'), I don't want to be 100% carefree.
Can I be lighter?
Interestingly, I don't feel that this realization of age=experience=heavy is exacerbated by our modern fast paced culture. It wouldn't surprise me that each generation of people had a moment at some point where they mourn the loss of their innocence and felt the weight of every day life lean on them.
Truthfully, I feel like for the first time in generations we have access to so many more tools meant to help us lighten our spirit. There's this hunger to find a way to peel back those layers while retaining all the valuable lessons and knowledge from every day living.
I see Yoga as having a role here... if used in a balanced way instead of escapism.
(I need to dance more... it keeps me LIGHT)