Since Winter my yoga practice has been leaving me feeling empty. I've soldered onward, practicing about once or twice a week. I've had a few amazing practices, but instead of weekly discovering new sequences or being inspired by new asanas and teachings, I've just grown increasingly disenchanted.
It's almost embarrassing to admit, but it feels like I've been carrying around this terrible dirty secret from everyone the past six months or so. I don't worship yoga anymore, it's not something I want to do every single day anymore. I'm glad I didn't take Yoga Teacher Training, mostly because I don't agree with so many aspects of the training here in Halifax. It's no longer the centre pathway to connect with my concept of the Divine.
Not to be all whiny, but I miss yoga. I do. It's like my body and heart knows there's something missing (tu me manques!), but I can't seem to motivate myself to get off my butt and practice. Yogaglo no longer holds as much appeal. I've started resenting and have become jealous of those yogis I see walking down the street with their yoga mats, going or returning from a yoga class. How dare they love yoga? How dare they afford the 18$ a pop classes?? BOO THEM (lol, my little tantrum is usually internal... and probably makes me officially 2 years old).
I can't believe I used to secretly judge those people who call themselves 'yogis' and never practice (even if it really was just minutely, I swear). I haven't practiced yoga since Montréal... which was over two weeks ago. Yesterday, instead of choosing to practice yoga, I chose to play some guitar. It was either one or the other.
In about 35 minutes I'm putting on my yoga clothes, rolling out my mat and will try to find a fast moving, mind numbing practice to try to beat the practice back into my Self. Hah, I know, kinda sounds counter-intuitive, but there ya go. I'm going to try setting aside a 20 minute practice three days a week to see if by sheer repetition, regardless of whether I want to or not, yoga will reconnect.
I'm also hoping for yoga in the park to save my practice. I'm so friggin' tired of practicing in my living room. We haven't had a sunny weekend warm enough to practice since Easter weekend. And Andrew and I were home with my parents visiting.
So sorry guys for the downer post. Anyone else out there share this dirty secret?
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