I remember saying/thinking that in high school. I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I didn't play/sing every single day. I found time after school every day... other people (I would add [older] in there) just weren't committed or passionate enough.
I kept it up pretty well during university, even played a few open mics. Montreal was essential for music playing in my room or at the park. I wrote lyrics every where I went, on pads of paper, in my note book. Scribbles and thoughts jotted down. Some of them made it to songs, most didn't.
Something happened when I started my "big girl" job. I stopped playing/writing/singing. Oh I had a good summer one year in Vernon, even played at a coffee shop a few times. But I could sense a change.
These past two years in Halifax have been the worse yet. I go weeks without playing, I haven't written hardly any lyrics and not one noteworthy song. I'm tired at the end of the day, I feel drained of creativity. I either have time for yoga, or time for music.
Not fair- one shouldn't have to exclude the other.
Today as I was walking to work after a very interesting workshop on Cleft Palate SLP assessment, I had an urge. To create. To sit outside near the ocean, feeling the wind whip through my hair and over my face and to just WRITE. It was almost physical. Even now, home from a particularly emotional afternoon at work, I look out my window and I *wish*.
I think part of the decrease has been energy, but another huge part has been Andrew. I love him, with all my heart, which is the problem- I'm happy. I am much more creative when I'm full of angst (which I wouldn't want to actually be again, so no regrets!). From a practical perspective, I play and create more often when I am alone. Rarely am I alone now while at home. I love spending time with Andrew, but perhaps I should carve out more "alone" time specifically.
Tonight is friend yoga night- and we were going to watch the political debate afterward (Elizabeth May should have been included!!). After that I will write.
I'm ready. It's time for some renewal, it is spring after all.
As of tonight I will strive to:
- play my guitar and sing at least once a week.
- purchase a cute (eco) booklet to encourage lyric writing, and keep it with me wherever I go.
- play and sing outside at the park at least once this summer.
- move beyond this recent yoga-cynicism that has enveloped my practice.
What about you? Has your creativity/passion changed recently?
article and photograph copyright of EcoYogini at ecoyogini.blogspot.com
I have struggled with this a lot. I was a percussionist throughout high school, and I even applied to music school. Being rejected was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but I miss playing. Like you, I played at university, and I even played in a Brazillian drumming group in France, but that was over 5 years ago now. Yoga became my outlet. I love it. But it is not enough. I have been living with an 8-year-old who takes piano lessons, and helping her has been the greatest joy for me. Sadly, I move today. But it is so, so important to find all of our creative juices, be it in yoga, music, poetry, writing, etc. I blog and do yoga (and less of the latter these days), but I still feel like something is missing. Thanks for pointing this out. Perhaps it will be the spark I need. I wish you well on your entry back into playing and writing.
ReplyDeleteI definitely hear ya girl. I'm not much of a writer (blogging and sometimes journaling is about as far as I go) but I like to think that I'm pretty good at taking photos. But lately I just haven't felt inspired to actually take photos. I've declared that this summer my photography "business" is going to be intentionally slow so that I can focus on other things, like maybe taking photographs for fun, for me.
ReplyDeleteI want to learn guitar too actually! If I do and I'm actually any good at it I'll play in the park with you :)
Ah, the old "it's easier to be creative when I'm full of angst" argument.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that, but then I think it's not impossible to be creative when we're happier, its just more challenging. But we can do it.
One thing that helps me is to always have a pen and paper on hand. Or, my iPhone with it's note taking facility which allows me to scribble down a few bits and pieces on the go.
I'd say don't see it as an "either/or" thing. Just take advantage of the muse when you can. Even if you write only three lyrics or capture a handful of notes, it's still better than not doing anything at all. :)
this is a tough one. i know what you're going through because i basically stopped playing music for the four years following college when i had a live-in boyfriend. due to: lack of privacy for songwriting, downstairs neighbors who complained when i practiced, and a lack of support from boyfriend. i'm now in a creative phase, making up for lost time, fueled by all the new experiences i'm having. i think also a big driver is also that i'm now collaborating with musical friends..knowing that i'm going to jam or to band practice or play shows soon gives me extra motivation to keep exploring songwriting on my own as well. so maybe if you found some music partners that would help, kinda like doing yoga with friends?
ReplyDeleteWhen I am paying attention to my spirit, and in particular moving my body (dancing or yoga ect) then creativity starts to burst forth!
ReplyDeleteBeing creative is allowing time to connect and express your unique spirit. Make time regularly to let it shine out! It is important, and will make happy.
that happened to me when i was first married...it's SO important to keep your YOU time, pursuing your arts and your personal passions - trust me, it will give you the energy to bring back to your relationship every day. it's OK to get lost, just make sure to find yourself regularly :)
ReplyDeleteI have been so focused on work and PhD that I have little time to even post on my blog. I too feel drained at night and don't feel like even posting a recipe. I have even noticed my creativity has gone down in cooking! I partially feel that a lack of exercise is responsible. I have not done yoga in months and I am hesitant even though I know I love it! My goal this summer, get back into yoga at least 2 times a week. I am looking forward to YIP! Hopefully my run this morning will give me some energy and inspiration (my first one in months too!)!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me so much of me when I was writing. I pumped out six finished and twice as many unfinished novels between the ages of 19 and 27. I had nothing but time and nothing but angst and depression, LOL. It kept me going, creatively. Then I went back to school, had a relationship, and everything seemed to demand my attention more and more. I still want to write, but I feel like I hardly know how anymore. Thank god for blogging - at least I had that to fill in the writing spaces.
ReplyDeleteYou always post such great pictures. I feel relaxed just looking at them ;-) Maybe I am just in awe of anything that does not have rain in the picture.... ;-)
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts and changes make perfect sense. This actually happens with me and the blog. I have to carve time out to post (I'm incredibly anal about my posts which means it's never just 30 mins and done...) and to check up on other bloggers. When we were in Louisiana and hub was gone 1.5 weeks out of the month, there was more time available to read books/mags and be introspective leading to blog posts. Now that I'm working part-time and hub's not currently working, it's rare for us to spend much time apart. Interesting how priorities change so easily and frequently based on life circumstance--although as it's continuous, your time for creativity would probably change the longer you are married I would imagine? Good thoughts!
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