No, I haven't gone bonkers, this is my internal cacophony during my savasana. Yep, the "wee" is the closest I can get to describing my tinnitus (accouphène for the fellow Frenchies :) ). Combine the constant squealing reminder of my hearing loss with an internal struggle to relax while in seated position and you get some of the above. Oh, and the actual bits from the yoga instructor.
Since my last post, where I wrote about how savasana or corpse pose, was actually one of the most painful asanas for my body, I decided that instead of forcing my body to like savasana, I would simply adjust my expectations of what 'savasana' looks like for me.
The goal of savasana is to allow your body and mind to fully absorb your practice. I always loved the feeling of spiritual connection I received while I allowed my body to *feel* the energy of Life. Fouffy? Yep, but weirdly during savasana it was less work to feel the energy that surrounds us all.
So, for a long time I was attached to this easier practice that brought me closer to the Goddess. I had to actually grieve the loss of savasana.
Now I am practicing seated meditation as my 'savasana'. It's much more difficult as when I'm seated I have to find that precious balance of relaxation without complete rounding and losing posture integrity.
(Me trying to find meditation during my 'hotel' yoga practice out in Cape Breton last night)
I started at home during Friend Yoga. I could wiggle and be a bit antsier than I would in a class, finding a better position. A few weeks ago I had the courage to request that I practice savasana seated (I trust her, so it was a lot easier) and it took some time to try to work through feeling weird that I was sitting while everyone was lying down. And I wasn't the teacher. (Like, maybe they're thinking 'who the heck does she think SHE is? that weirdo meditating pompous yogi'.... yep, letting go of magical made up judgments).
(cool sun on the drive home tonight, winter ethereal sun fuzzy from precipitation in the distance)
Fast forward a few more classes and I'm really starting to find a comfort zone and actually experiencing a glimpse of what I used to experience during pain-free savasana. Half lotus helps my center of gravity be such that I can relax my lower back, my legs and my arms in slight increments without falling forward on my face.
Slowly but surely I am moving towards acceptance of my body and what yoga means for me. One seated savasana at a time. You?
(windmills out near Port Hawkesbury Cape Breton with a beautiful, pink-lavender winter sunset)
(Crazy glowing sunset ball of fire in CB last night. I was the weirdo stopped on the highway, tourist pictures in the middle of January!)
article and photograph copyright of EcoYogini at ecoyogini.blogspot.com