I know what you're saying: 'What is wrong with her? That is the BEST part of a yoga class!' At least, that's what Andrew says... lol.
Me and the savas...ana (ok, couldn't be that cool), we go way back with our troubles. Yep. Way back to the first time I ever took a yoga class. Our relationship over the past five years has definitely changed, like everyone predicted (give it time... you'll come around) but not exactly for the better.
Savasana originally was a very stressful and non-pleasant experience for my anxiety ridden, high strung self. I couldn't stand being in a room filled with prone people and close my eyes. I used to absolutely dread that last pose and was filled with gratitude on those rare occasions when they only lasted a few minutes.
So I would lay there, anxiety sky rocketing, telling myself to 'breathe, seriously stop being a weirdy' and wait. Wait for the telltale footsteps of the instructor slowly, slowly approaching. Oh, there she is doing that neck-shoulder thing to the person next to me... shit, I'm next! QUICK close your eyes and pretend to relax! Remember last time when she caught you with your eyes open and told you to just relax?? THAT was embarrassing.
It goes on... really.
In any case, thank goodness that about a year ago I finally learned how to relax enough to let go during savasana and close my eyes. Most likely because the teachers here don't usually do the whole go to each person for a shoulder massage deal... although it could be I'm growing as a person too- hah!
Sadly, another issue has come up during this time... my sacral area. For the past two years lying in savasana will induce some critical pain in my lower buttal area. Either the sacrum or SI spot. I have tried pillows (in all possible variations) and am continuously working on strengthening my core and lower back. To no avail.
Should we be in savasana for more than, say 2 minutes, my sacrum is screaming in pain... and trying to get out of it is even worse.
Out of ALL the postures to modify, savasana is the one that I haven't heard *one* other option given. It's like it's a given that you'll automatically adore savasana and should just hang out in corpse (unless you're pregnant of course. Which I've tried the feet up against the wall... also not very pleasant).
Really all I want to do is sit and meditate. Not as easy to let go and relax, I know, but much less painful. How to ask though? I have whispered on a few occasions (twice I think) if the teacher was alright with me having a seated meditation... and of course they said yes.
Maybe it's just me but I feel like sitting during savasana is a sure fire way to stick out amongst the crowd. To be the yogini 'doing her own thing' and not really listening to the teacher. Plus it's usually UBER quiet... and I've never actually seen anyone else take a modification during savasana. I'm pretty darn positive this is something that just isn't really modifiable, at least directly through corpse.
So that was my late night story on how savasana and I have broken up. At least for now. I think I'll be ok... just need to break the news to the local instructors...
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