Yoga-binges... ever have them? I definitely go a little 'manic' on my practice every once in a while. It's a bit disconcerting, but suddenly I found myself (a few weeks ago) realizing that I had been yoga-binging for months. In March I was up to four yoga practices a week, organizing and emailing for coffee and yoga, and cleaning the studio. The result- a complete crash. Every time I thought about practicing for the past few weeks, any time I'd think about yoga in general actually, I had this 'ick' sinking gut feeling.
So much negativity had slowly crept up and in tiny bits attached itself to my semantic concept of 'yoga'. Until these tiny black negativity goo almost completely covered all that was 'yoga' in my thoughts.
After a slight melt down I took the past few weeks 'off' relatively speaking. Only practicing smaller, shorter sequences a few times a week. I stopped proactively organizing coffee and yoga and actually picked up my guitar. The first time I sang since Yule season. Why did I stop? I am a SINGER more than a Yogini.
I haven't given you all an update on Coffee and Yoga, mostly because it has been a very difficult journey. Four months of ridiculous stalker like attempts at networking and trying to convince (ok, almost beg) yoga teachers to actually just meet with me (or even answer my emails and phone calls) had eroded away my sense of self-worth and even diminished my eventual dream of becoming a yoga teacher.
The community here in Halifax has SO many walls, so much negativity between studios that it's so depressing just hearing the *things* so many studio owners have to say (at least the ones who agreed to chat with me). I gave up. It was SO demoralizing, I don't need that.
So, April 6th arrived, I took a deep breath and brought my little sign to JustUs!. I sat down and expected my very lovely and wonderful group of friends to show up, we'd chat about our lives and go home. Group finished.
I was so completely surprised when a lovely woman (that I didn't know!) walked upstairs and introduced herself as a reader of this blog! The beautiful, kind, supportive words she said were like balm on my soul. She was excited about the group, excited about yoga in the park and had such interesting experiences to contribute to our conversation. (thank you so much K!)
Also, Helen Fong, a local teacher (one of few who have been incredibly supportive of Coffee and Yoga), attended the group!
I left with an inkling that, alright, perhaps I should keep this going. We'll try another month (8 limbs of yoga!!).
I still wasn't convinced on the community, until tonight.
It's the New Moon, time for courage, Fire, excitement and energy. Our group of regular yogis all decided it would be cool to 'yoga-crawl' and check out a new studio tonight. Surprisingly, the 7 of us all could go. So we carpooled and went to Dartmouth to check out Sunrise Yoga for Helen's Vinyasa Flow class.
It was like we were flash-mobbing her yoga class, an entire gaggle of us showing up at once, all filling out the 'first timer' forms... It was fantastic. The studio was so warm and welcoming, the people so open. It was such an unbelievable change. Jack, the owner, actually came in and took pictures for the facebook group. Students chatted with each other prior to class... sigh.
My yoga-self has been renewed. I may be practicing more at home for a little while, but it won't be forever. Next week we're going for her Yin class and I'm actually looking very much forward to it!
My spring resolves to renew:
- SING and play the guitar several times a week. It's a must. OH- and learn some new songs (any fun suggestions?)
- casually organize a yoga-crawl with anyone who is interested. And be ok if no one really is. Maybe through twitter...
- Start reading 'The Revenge of Gaia' along with other eco-books...
- Make my own yogurt, cuz I'm tired of the wasteful #5 plastic.
- Take moments to BREATHE and stop. Some quiet moments outside, sipping coffee and enjoying the space and energy around me.
- Actually get excited about our wedding... crafting a special ceremony with Andrew just for us.
- Practice yoga in solitude for shorter periods. A Green Spell was so right, I need to scale down to 20 minutes more often.
did I say play music again? sigh. I feel so passionate and alive when I sing.
Some fun eco-posts coming up soon! :)
What are your New Moon energies telling you?
article copyright of EcoYogini at ecoyogini.blogspot.com