Miss "Ego"

I've been a little hooked up on the "ego" concept recently. Well really, it keeps popping up unexpectedly, or does the fact that I think of "ego" when events occur mean that I'm creating the focus?

In any case, yoga has been sporadic recently, with illness, wedding-zillas and parental units visiting. I'm finally feeling well enough to get back on the mat these past few weeks and it was like I forgot how just un-bendy I really am! This brings forth the first little bitty of "ego" I have to share. Perhaps if I shed light on that little "nyah nyah" voice it will be revealed for what it is- a big poo-head. lol (obviously I work with kids... hah).

Last week H. and I went to Karma class at breathing space and the owner attended the class. Which I gotta say is pretty darn amazing to watch, how effortless and beautiful all her postures were. I was being creepy and kept sneaking glances while in downward dog, or any pose that I was looking backwards really! LOL. Wow I just re-read that, I am WEIRD. In any case, the instructor was new and kept referring to the owner should any of us want to go further in postures. At one point she announced that we were going to practice Tolasana for fun- as she's working on achieving this one without blocks. We practiced with blocks and it was fun! I am a fan of blocks. She referred to the owner again if we'd like to try out the full posture and I thought: "Hell, why not?" And "Plop!" just like that I lifted myself up. Oh ya! I can actually DO this, this is supposed to be difficult?? I must be doing something wrong. I can NEVER do hard asanas!

I'm wondering about letting this little moment go, just allowing it to float away on my messy, (let's say garbage filled, since eco-stuff is my M.O.) river. But...BUT!! My little garbage navigator says: "Lisa, you work SO hard just to BEND AT ALL".

The following few days I started reading all over the bloggy-net about YJ's fantastical nod to some pretty phenomenal yogi-bloggers. My first inkling was Dr. Jay's post here; where I actually had no clue what he was talking about. I read it and thought: "huh, Dr. Jay's being vague and funny again... must be above my sarcasm-deficit head, silly Dr. Jay"... (or something like that). After realizing that actually, he was talking about becoming a YJ FAMOUS DUDE, I reread his post and giggled to (and at) myself. It's super fantastic that they were mentioned, some wonderful recognition of the importance and rise of the online influence. And their awesomeness.

Mostly feedback was fantastic, but then there were a few posts here and there by other yogi-bloggers who weren't mentioned in YJ. One in particular that I just couldn't get through- perhaps as she pointed out in her comments, I was one of the seemingly few, that didn't "get her sarcasm-tongue in cheek style". Makes sense, sarcasm isn't my forte that's for sure. Reading her post I had so many moments of "Really?? You really are angry about this? Am I really reading such an intense lash-out and negative reaction about not being mentioned? About your stats, hits, readers blah blah? Who cares?"

All this right around the time I was excited about perhaps winning Green as a Thistle's new book- "Sleeping Naked Is Green". Her post said something along the lines of "Have a green blog and want to win a free copy? Just email a general outline of the blog with how many readers you tend to get..." It turned out to be a little premature (she overestimated how fantastic she was!) but all of a sudden I was committed to trying to figure out how many hits my blog got. I have no idea. I've never looked at any of that stuff. I see other bloggy's commenting on this and truly I really didn't want to get caught up- I like the "Small is beautiful" banner I carry. Seriously I spent about an hour trying to figure out how the hell I was going to find this silly info out so I could just get a free book!

Turns out it's impossible. And now that there's no chance of winning I'm happier this way. Don't get me wrong, I like that people are interested in what I have to say and the phenomenal sense of community here, but numbers won't tell me that.

So- all this to say: "ego" has been paying a visit to me lately, in really odd forms. A few other "ego"s I've noticed include:

- miss singing ego- my songwriting skillz (lol) have had a SPURT! (ego: "maybe I SHOULD record and share my new song online... and be FAMOUS")

- miss eco-ness ego: (ego: "ugh, method is a terrible brand!" at the same time that I bought some yummy starbucks to drink... sigh).

Phew- that did help! :)

Hope rainy-post Litha is treating all you "eco-yogi/ni's" well out there!

Blessings!