Monday, June 22, 2009

Miss "Ego"

I've been a little hooked up on the "ego" concept recently. Well really, it keeps popping up unexpectedly, or does the fact that I think of "ego" when events occur mean that I'm creating the focus?

In any case, yoga has been sporadic recently, with illness, wedding-zillas and parental units visiting. I'm finally feeling well enough to get back on the mat these past few weeks and it was like I forgot how just un-bendy I really am! This brings forth the first little bitty of "ego" I have to share. Perhaps if I shed light on that little "nyah nyah" voice it will be revealed for what it is- a big poo-head. lol (obviously I work with kids... hah).

Last week H. and I went to Karma class at breathing space and the owner attended the class. Which I gotta say is pretty darn amazing to watch, how effortless and beautiful all her postures were. I was being creepy and kept sneaking glances while in downward dog, or any pose that I was looking backwards really! LOL. Wow I just re-read that, I am WEIRD. In any case, the instructor was new and kept referring to the owner should any of us want to go further in postures. At one point she announced that we were going to practice Tolasana for fun- as she's working on achieving this one without blocks. We practiced with blocks and it was fun! I am a fan of blocks. She referred to the owner again if we'd like to try out the full posture and I thought: "Hell, why not?" And "Plop!" just like that I lifted myself up. Oh ya! I can actually DO this, this is supposed to be difficult?? I must be doing something wrong. I can NEVER do hard asanas!

I'm wondering about letting this little moment go, just allowing it to float away on my messy, (let's say garbage filled, since eco-stuff is my M.O.) river. But...BUT!! My little garbage navigator says: "Lisa, you work SO hard just to BEND AT ALL".

The following few days I started reading all over the bloggy-net about YJ's fantastical nod to some pretty phenomenal yogi-bloggers. My first inkling was Dr. Jay's post here; where I actually had no clue what he was talking about. I read it and thought: "huh, Dr. Jay's being vague and funny again... must be above my sarcasm-deficit head, silly Dr. Jay"... (or something like that). After realizing that actually, he was talking about becoming a YJ FAMOUS DUDE, I reread his post and giggled to (and at) myself. It's super fantastic that they were mentioned, some wonderful recognition of the importance and rise of the online influence. And their awesomeness.

Mostly feedback was fantastic, but then there were a few posts here and there by other yogi-bloggers who weren't mentioned in YJ. One in particular that I just couldn't get through- perhaps as she pointed out in her comments, I was one of the seemingly few, that didn't "get her sarcasm-tongue in cheek style". Makes sense, sarcasm isn't my forte that's for sure. Reading her post I had so many moments of "Really?? You really are angry about this? Am I really reading such an intense lash-out and negative reaction about not being mentioned? About your stats, hits, readers blah blah? Who cares?"

All this right around the time I was excited about perhaps winning Green as a Thistle's new book- "Sleeping Naked Is Green". Her post said something along the lines of "Have a green blog and want to win a free copy? Just email a general outline of the blog with how many readers you tend to get..." It turned out to be a little premature (she overestimated how fantastic she was!) but all of a sudden I was committed to trying to figure out how many hits my blog got. I have no idea. I've never looked at any of that stuff. I see other bloggy's commenting on this and truly I really didn't want to get caught up- I like the "Small is beautiful" banner I carry. Seriously I spent about an hour trying to figure out how the hell I was going to find this silly info out so I could just get a free book!

Turns out it's impossible. And now that there's no chance of winning I'm happier this way. Don't get me wrong, I like that people are interested in what I have to say and the phenomenal sense of community here, but numbers won't tell me that.

So- all this to say: "ego" has been paying a visit to me lately, in really odd forms. A few other "ego"s I've noticed include:
- miss singing ego- my songwriting skillz (lol) have had a SPURT! (ego: "maybe I SHOULD record and share my new song online... and be FAMOUS")
- miss eco-ness ego: (ego: "ugh, method is a terrible brand!" at the same time that I bought some yummy starbucks to drink... sigh).

Phew- that did help! :)
Hope rainy-post Litha is treating all you "eco-yogi/ni's" well out there!



  1. So holy crap Lisa's blog has 40 followers! I am insisting that we get something to celebrate this because it is a BIG DEAL. Lisa thinks that it is funny that I am bringing this up right after she wrote a blog on EGO, but I reminded her that it is ME talking, and not her subconscious garbage navigator. THEN she told me she was at 80 posts which is double the 40 followers, so now we need TWO things to celebrate! One is going to be ice cream, and the other..? We shall let the fates decide.

  2. Sounds like you CAN do a "hard" asana! Good for you!

  3. i am a fan of yoga props too :) and yes, i sometimes sneak peaks also. be sure and check out my blog, i gave you an award ;)

  4. Isn't it fun when our own ridiculousness lets us get a good giggle out of life? It's a kind of yoga, really, bending right back down to the ground level of being human.

  5. I have seen some blogs that seem to me to be drivel that have sooo many followers. Go figure... I have come to realise I don't want that at all.... I like being able to write whatever I want without having to think about my audience. I like that i can get to know all my followers and keep up with their blogs too. It keeps it all purposeful and useful and personal... *grin* Small really is beautiful...

  6. Haha! First of all I thought I was the ONLY one who used the reference "parental units" - omg - you cracked me up with that one!!!

    I too, love my yoga blocks, epecially now, since I'm getting back into a routine after a winter of slacking off and gaining a belly of processed junk foods.

    I think your blog is fantastic and vow to visit here and my other favourites daily!


  7. In a discussion about publishing, a friend in a writing class I took (30!!!) years ago said "THERE'S ROOM FOR ALL OF US" and that's been my philosophy ever since.

    Anyway, in yoga we believe - or try to believe in the ideal of we are all one, I am you, you are feeling happy for the collective wonderfulness is as natural as is ego trips...

    YOUR blog is beautiful.

  8. Andrew: sigh- what would I do without your support? the chocolate cookie dough ice cream was FAB!

    Brooks: aww YAY! I guess it's interesting how each body has different strengths and weaknesses and how the traditional 'ideal' was originally geared for pre-pubescent boys... not quite what my body is! lol.

    Melita: thank goodness I am not alone haha. Thanks for the beautiful Friend award!! I am honoured to receive such a wonderful award :) (down ego, DOWN *giggle*).

    Mary Ellen: so true! I like how you put that- bending down to the ground of being human. Perfect!

    Rose: I agree, I like being able to get to know the fantastic 'blog-omunity'.

    Boho Mom: haha, Yay using Parental Units! I have no idea where I got that from? The coneheads?? lol. Thanks for the kind words and I love visiting your blog as well!

    laughing yogini: so true! perhaps that's why I'm less attracted to more strict styles (like Iyengar or Ashtanga) that require certain hand postures, or strive for pose-perfection. There is no way I'll ever be able to do all the asana's to perfection- and I'm (most days) happy with that. :)
    ps- YOUR blog is beautiful too!

  9. I know how it feels to be able to do a hard pose like tolasana. Arm balances are some of the harder ones for me too. Yay for yoga blocks. I know who you're talking about with the owner, I used to go to that studio when I lived in Halifax, she is good, very athletic.

  10. I love the power of yoga. Just when you think that something will never happen...TADA...your shoulders open up and your hands are in reverse namaste or your feet fly up in bakasana or you make it into a handstand without touching a all feels so powerful! Meh to the ego. You worked hard to get there. I think it is perfectly acceptable to smile.

    Your blog always makes me smile!

  11. Grace: yes, she's awesome. A little hardcore, but I feel safe in her class, she is a fantastic instructor.

    babs: awww thanks! yes- the TADA is such a fantastic feeling :)

  12. Hi Eco (not Ego)
    This was a fun post for me. I'm such a teeny weeny (but fat) beginner. I always imagine this tight sisterhood of yoginis. I loved the image of you peeking around during downward dog. Aha! even yoga masters worry during class.

    I am grateful to you for understanding my post about releasing journals. Many people felt fear and sorrow about it.

  13. I love this post, we all are at fault for loving a little is just a little light in a sometimes dark tunnel. Shout out to Dr. J...!!!
    I feel that we have such a fun little bloggie family, no judgements...just love and light! Lokha Somastah Sukhino Bhavantu...

  14. Thanks for your comment! Maybe your gift is a fantastic musical talent and you should post some of your songs on your blog? *cheeky grin*

  15. I also know a bit about the ego. That's what my wheel was all about unfortunately!

    Did I mention I love being in your blog?! :)

    But as you already mentioned (as did Andrew!) we are allowed to be amazed by ourselves and proud every once in a while!

  16. Actually, I was being vague, sarcastic, silly, and serious all at the same time...believe me, you're not the only person who has trouble seeing through that tangled weave...

    Anyway, the life of a yogacelebrity has its ups and downs...Madonna won't leave me alone...

  17. I've been thinking about this post since I read it a few days ago. Such a hard inner struggle, and one I'm all too familiar with. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm in an ego hold until it's "too late." :)

    I still don't know what to say about this one, but it's definitely been on my mind lately...

  18. Nice reflection, I like the threads of ego that show in many aspects of our lives, whether it's on the mat or in the blogosphere...

    BTW, you should be able to monitor your readers and hits through google analytics. It's easy to register for it. Wordpress has a blog stats function, and I love seeing how many hits I get, where they come from... though of course I also question why I want to know and what validation I get from it. But it's also a good way to practice non-attachment, and at the same time, to feel connected to the anonymous blog-world.


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