I gotta admit, Eco Yogi/ni's, I've been feeling some all around pressure lately. Pressure to be more "green" for sure, but mostly pressure to be more Yogic. I got it in my head for a few weeks that my three yoga asana practices a week just wasn't enough. It didn't measure up to say... other daily practitioners. Where yoga is their LIFE, it's what they do and think and breathe... it's who they are.
Key word- "they". Yoga is definitely an important part of my life, but I have to admit that it isn't My Life, capital letters. Today when the thought of an asana practice made me feel heavy and sad... well that should be a sign right? That even though I still have my own little "me vs they" when it comes to yoga, I should let it go before my personal practice turns into something Else. Ever have those moments?
After all this reading about what yoga should and shouldn't be, or discussions about it's history etc, I've realized that there is definitely something different about how I view yoga and how others do. I always prided myself in viewing it as more than asana, more than the physical. Which I still do. But yoga isn't and never was my faith. Discussions on the Divine, on our divinity, mention of Hindu gods and goddesses leave me feeling disconnected. My faith isn't yoga.
Which perhaps as a result has left me feeling less affected or offended (well, except for my feminist soap boxes of course!) regarding the should's and shouldn'ts or the accuracies and "facts". Perhaps because paganism is "new" AND "old", similarly to yoga, that historical implications have no true sway. I've adjusted quite well to the concept that age or history doesn't affect or lessen my faith.
My Personal Practice tonight has been acceptance of my Authentic Self. Which is to stop pretending to be "all yogi" and to accept that I am "part-yogi" and part-feminist-Goddessian-singer-sensitive-sci-fi lovin' (yep that includes Star Trek)-fantasy reading extraordinaire. Who likes chocolate. Especially fair trade dark chocolate. And coffee. Yum.
Instead of practicing yoga tonight, I played some guitar. After a few songs, halfheartedly sung, I realized that I needed to simply *play*. With that thought, a free-flow melody strummed out... simple and easy. Repetitive, then a switch and a change in feel. A meditative, healing "song" with no end, no lyrics, no thoughts. Just the harmonics, the open chords that brought vibrations through my body and quieted my mind. A few major chords, their related minor chords (thank you classical training) and a feeling of openness.
That was my Personal Practice tonight.
I hope yours was as revealing. :)
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